(first published in The American Prospect)
The venerable publishing house Scribner recently published a new edition of Ernest Hemingway’s classic novel A Farewell to Arms, complete with all the many endings the author rejected. “I rewrote the ending of Farewell to Arms, the last page of it, 39 times before I was satisfied”, he told The Paris Review. Given a little more time, here’s 39 more that Papa might have tossed into the wastebasket.
I.
After a while I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain. That’s our book for tonight. You’ve been a great audience. Drive home safely.
II.
After a while I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain. The waiter brought me a plate of onion rings, and then everything went black.
III.
After a while I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain. So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past. Blah-de-blah, blah-de-blah, blah-de-blah blah blah.
IV.
After a while I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain. I got there just in time to see the big right-hander hit a three-run homer. “The Giants win the pennant!’’ I said. “The Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant!’’
V.
After a while I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain. Osgood was there. “I have to level with you,’’ I told him. “I’m a man.’’ He shrugged. Nobody’s perfect, he replied.
VI.
After a while I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain. As if! LMFAO
VII.
After a while I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain. Lennie was waiting in the lobby. He asked me to tell him about the rabbits again. I started to, but then I shot him.
VIII.
After a while I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain. I am a rock. I am an island. And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries.
IX.
After a while I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain, where I saw Ilsa. “If that plane leaves the ground and you’re not on it, you’ll regret it”, I told her. But all she wanted to know was how this would affect us. Us? This chick is delusional. There hadn’t been an us in years. “Hey”, I told her, “We’ll always have Paris.” And she bought it!
(See the rest here.)